


Endangered Species

by wintercelestial



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22893106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintercelestial/pseuds/wintercelestial
Summary: Lucifer does not like intruders in his bedroom.
Relationships: Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 407





	Endangered Species

**Author's Note:**

> there was a discussion about what diavolo’s symbolic animal was. yukiobeyme@tumblr said a red panda. i am merely here to provide this chaos.

The second Lucifer touches his bedroom door is the same second he realizes he’s left important paperwork behind at Diavolo’s castle.

He curses inwardly, grip tightening on the doorknob. The council meeting is first thing tomorrow and the page with Diavolo’s signature is still lying on the demon prince’s desk, exactly where it was left before they were distracted by a chess game.

Lucifer sighs and deposits the other paperwork in a neat pile on his own desk before heading back out. It’s already late and far beyond a reasonable bedtime but no signature means no agreement, and disappointing Diavolo in front of the council is one of the lowest priorities on Lucifer’s List of Low Priorities.

A vortex of fire suddenly engulfs him from head to toe, lighting up the walls of the House of Lamentation like a flare. He steps out of the fading flames in his demon form, black feathers settling back down with barely a whisper. Diavolo’s probably left for his scheduled vacation already so it’ll just be a quick trip there and back..

Coattails billowing behind him, Lucifer spreads his wings and takes off into the night.

“Here you are, sir, his Lordship’s quarters.” The short and stubby castle servant gestures at the ornate door and bows avidly at the waist. “Enjoy your stay.” He scurries off as Lucifer’s grip tightens on a doorknob for a second time that night.

“I am _not_ staying,” he mutters to nobody in particular, marching inside.

The desk is empty so he scours the room, and finally spots the paperwork lying on the bedcovers – beside some sort of reddish, feline-shaped animal curled up amongst the satin sheets.

Lucifer frowns deeply at the creature. Tucking the paper away into a pocket, he bends over slightly to get a closer look. He can only just make out pointed ears, twin stripe markings on its face and a large, bushy fox-like tail. Hm. He remembers one of the human exchange students once showing Satan a picture of this particular animal, trying to convince him that it was _not_ a cat but actually a protected endangered species. Lucifer is well aware that his lord has his phases and obsessions that come and go (although the only obsession that is still yet to go, unfortunately, is that of the Avatar of Pride), but why the _devil_ does his latest pet have to be a red panda?

Obviously Diavolo hasn’t deigned to take it with him on his vacation. Perhaps it’s Stubby Demon Servant’s job to feed it while the demon prince is away, Lucifer thinks snippily, and of course a lowly servant with a rude mouth like him deserves such a lowly job.

It takes Lucifer another whole minute to register that the animal is actually awake and staring back at him. The red panda’s little beady eyes blink and whiskers bob as it cocks its head curiously, sniffing the air.

“Oh, no,” Lucifer groans in dismay when it starts crawling out of the sheets toward him, “ _no_. You stay right there. Do _not_ move.”

He turns on his heel and makes a beeline for the exit, hoping he can just shut the animal inside so it doesn’t escape and get eaten alive.

“Stay,” Lucifer commands again, gloved hand on the door as he glares at the panda following closely behind. It had tumbled down from the bed and waddled enthusiastically after him. He can sort of see why humans think they look so cute and mischievous, he supposes, but he’s dead tired and not in the mood to entertain it.

“I - get _off_ me!” he hisses when it leaps at him and clambers up his pants, tiny claws digging into his skin. Its fluffy red brush tail sways from side to side. Lucifer freezes in place, mind flashing between multiple scenarios. How angry would Diavolo be if one of his pets, say, accidentally died?

But Diavolo’s pet or not, his patience is wearing thin, and reduced to talking to animals in the middle of the night? Ninth circle of hell, how shameful.

He reaches behind him, plucking the panda from where it has made itself at home on one of his upper wings as if he were a tree. It yowls in protest and scrabbles weakly against the gloves on the scruff of its neck. Lucifer crosses the room and firmly puts it back down on Diavolo’s bed.

“ _Stay_ ,” he growls, eyes glowing a deep crimson, “or I will let Beelzebub eat you.”

Lucifer isn’t sure if he’s ever been more annoyed in his thousands of years of existence than he is right now. Even Mammon’s daily antics have nothing on this. Sitting in his armchair, chessboard in front of him, he sips his tea angrily.

The last thing he’d expected to wake up to the next morning was the accursed creature from last night, sleeping with him _in_ his bed, burrowed into the warmth of his chest. He’d thrown the sheets back once he realized it was a tail that was tickling his nose and promptly shoved the animal onto the floor.

“Are you a witch?” Lucifer demands. The red panda sits in the other armchair across from him, cutely licking its paws. “How did you get in here?”

Absolutely horrendous. Lucifer himself, feathers ruffled by a four-legged animal that probably still cleaned its own anus with its tongue. His brothers would have a field day if they found out. Perhaps it was a hex, placed on intruders of Diavolo’s room. Lucifer pulls out and types a message into his DDD.

_Lord Diavolo, I do not know why but I believe one of your animals have followed me home. Please let me know how many pieces you would like it returned in._

He takes another angry sip of tea. Satan would be proud.

After breakfast he raids the fridge of vegetables (it would be blamed on Beel anyway), begrudgingly sets them in front of the panda and leaves for the council meeting.

Despite all his hopes and dreams of freedom, Lucifer enters his office in the afternoon to find the red panda snoozing on the seat of his chair. The animal pokes its head up on his arrival and climbs up onto the desk instead, leaving the seat empty.

Lucifer isn’t even shocked anymore. Definitely, undeniably cursed. He just curls his lip upwards in suppressed irritation and powers through his paperwork, the panda watching him seemingly with interest.

“What is this?” Lucifer slams a page of an application form down onto the table. The panda squeaks and one of its ears twitch slightly. “A beach day in the human world? Who made this ridiculous request for a school trip?”

He screws up the form and tosses it into the rubbish before picking up the next one. “Application for school funds to be transferred into The Bank Account of Mammon, for learning purposes.” He rolls his eyes as the panda wanders over to the form. “This is even worse than – _how dare you touch my work, you little –“_

The page is now in pieces, torn from end to end by panda claws and teeth. The shreds get swept over the desk edge by the panda’s tail, scattering them onto the floor and leaving the workspace clear for the next application form.

Lucifer’s eyes widen momentarily. “Well,” he says slowly, setting his fountain pen down on the table with a miffed expression on his face, “I can’t say I wasn’t intending to do that.”

The red panda chirps in what Lucifer perceives as wholehearted agreement.

“As much as I enjoyed it, do not do that again,” he adds. “You should not even be on the desk.”

As if on cue the panda obeys, clambering off the desk and plopping into Lucifer’s lap instead. His thighs are invitingly warm, and the animal is invitingly warm. Lucifer stares down at it. He quickly glances around to make sure nobody is looking in, and pats the panda on the head with a finger before pulling out the next application form.

“You’ve had your dinner. It’s time you were returned to Diavolo’s castle,” Lucifer insists, folding his arms across his chest. He looks out the window at the magnificent home amongst the night lights, far in the distance. “Get off me. I will send for someone to take you back… I imagine the servants will be searching hard for you.”

The red panda just looks at him from its post on the demon’s shoulder, eyes woefully round and almost… sad. It clings to Lucifer’s coat and he swears, _swears_ on Lilith’s grave, that even in the dim firelight of the hearth he just saw the animal shake its head.

“You are not staying with me.”

The panda nuzzles his cheek affectionately, tail wrapping around his neck like an overly furry collar.

“…Fine. Ugh. If you absolutely must, but you had better not die.”

This is not a loss on his part. Not at all. In fact, he’s going to ring Diavolo right now and rectify this situation – regardless of how much he hates dialling that number.

_Hello, this is Lord Diavolo; I apologize for being unable to take your call. Please leave a message or visit me during office hours of 2-4pm, or at any time of the day if you are Lucifer._

Lucifer hangs up with a scowl.

The panda chitters away on his shoulder until the demon removes it with a huff of exasperation and dumps it onto the bed. The animal squeaks and rolls around on the covers. Lucifer decides that after all of today’s problems he deserves a nice, long hot bath with some peace and heads for the bathroom.

He hasn’t even taken off a single piece of clothing before he hears a whine from the other side of the door. The scuffing sound of paws against wood gets louder with every minute as Lucifer continues to ignore it, one eye twitching uncontrollably while he tests the bathwater’s warmth with one hand.

“Stay outside, you perverted creature,” he barks.

The red panda whines again, tail slapping against the carpet and thumping its paws on the door.

Lucifer ends up grumpily submerged up to his nose in the giant cast iron bath, the red eyes of his demon form glowering at the panda swimming circles in the water around him. He curses the animal’s existence (as well as Diavolo’s holiday) and slides further down the bath. The panda floats closer to him and he flaps a wing underwater, creating a small wave that sends the panda back to the other side of the tub and as far away from him as possible.

Lost in his thoughts, the candles burn low and the bath is almost cold by the time Lucifer realizes it’s starting to get late. The red panda is still doing laps around him, although every now and then it stops to take a rest on the edge of the bathtub.

“Hmph. I think I’ve figured out what you are,” Lucifer declares, standing up suddenly. Water rolls down the glistening planes of his body and off the tips of his wings, making for a striking view. The bird-like feathers are naturally waterproof and it only takes a few wingbeats for them to be dry again. “Based on the fact that you are now sinking because you’ve stopped swimming to ogle me, I will assume that you must be a female creature.”

The panda gurgles as Lucifer smirks down at it, proudly snaps his wings shut and steps out of the bath. He pulls a towel around his waist and flings a hand towel on the panda when it finally manages to escape the bathtub looking like a soggy cat.

With a cup of tea in hand and gramophone playing in the background Lucifer reverts to his regular form in a flash of fire, and lounges in the armchair to dry his hair. The panda sits spread-eagled on the carpet next to him to dry its fur. Against his better judgement and probably also his will, he lets the panda follow him around for the rest of the night since it doesn’t listen to him anyway, but he draws the line at bedtime.

“This bed is big enough… why must you sleep there?” he mutters, but his eyes are already closed. He tries feeling around down by his leg for the wriggling ball of fur but It’s too far away, so he just sighs and resigns himself to sleep instead. His daily quota of patience has run out.

The red panda pops up from beneath the covers like a mole and settles down again in the crook of Lucifer’s neck, tail lying across his face. It smells like freshly washed animal and vaguely like something else he’s quite familiar with, but his tired nose can’t pinpoint it in his sleepy state of mind. “Going to castle… tomorrow.”

“I can smell an animal!” Beel exclaims in excitement as he descends on the kitchen the next morning. “Is that what we’re having for breakfast?” 

“It must be me, since I’m an animal in bed,” Asmo quips, looking up from his cooking duties on the stove. He flips an egg on the fry pan and pats it with the spatula in the same way he would pat somebody’s bottom with his hand.

Lucifer strolls past them all with his empty plate. He’d made his own breakfast an hour ago and finished it long before the rest of them, as usual. “An animal?” he echoes, brows knitting together. “I haven’t got the slightest clue what you’re talking about, but I daresay there’s one sitting at the table.”

He hears Mammon yell “Hey!” as he saunters out.

The panda-shaped lump under the covers doesn’t stir, even when Lucifer accidentally closes the door with a bit more force than he intends.

It must be tired from all the swimming last night, he thinks wryly. Now that it wasn’t being annoying by climbing all over him or snuggling at every available opportunity, Lucifer finds himself almost loathe to send it back to Diavolo’s castle. He does though, while his tea steeps, gently lift the covers to make sure the panda really hasn’t suffocated. The panda clutches its own tail as it sleeps and Lucifer almost coos at how adorable it is. _Almost_. Even Cerberus hadn’t been this cute when he was a pup.

Lucifer relaxes in his armchair and inhales deeply at his cup of tea. It’s a new variety he’d imported from the human world last week and he hopes that it tastes as wonderful as it smells.

A loud knock on the door breaks the halcyon silence and has Lucifer scrambling for the teacup’s saucer. Just by the dreaded knocking sequence he knows exactly who’s outside. 

“Yes, Barbatos, come in.”

The door swings open and the Barbatos bows briefly in greeting. “Lucifer, good morning,” he says, peering around the room. He seems somewhat concerned. The House of Lamentation isn’t really where one would find him on an average day. “Apologies for disturbing you, but I -“

_Curses_. It all happens at once – Lucifer leaping to his feet to block the demon butler’s view of the panda in his bed, the animal appearing from beneath the covers, and Barbatos’s surprised “oh.” The three of them look at each other.

“Do not think I stole this creature,” Lucifer says first, coolly taking a sip of tea to cover up his mounting stress. It would’ve been so nice two minutes ago, but it’s entirely ruined by the situation now. “It followed me home.”

Barbatos chuckles. “I can imagine,” he says, nodding. “I was expecting him to do that at one point or another, after one of the servants informed me of your presence in Lord Diavolo’s quarters.”

Lucifer hears the panda make a weird noise behind him. “I was there to collect something I’d left behind.” He clears his throat. “Well, if you’re here to take him back-”

He suddenly narrows his eyes.

“…Yes?” Barbatos prompts. He’s got one of those unreadable smiles on his face, not at all unlike those Satan wears, where Lucifer can’t tell if he’s being helped along or mocked.

“Him?” Lucifer coughs. “Surely not? This is a female creature that must think I am its mate,” he states, conveniently leaving out the finer details.

Barbatos’s expression becomes one of long suffering. “Sometimes, I think he thinks that too,” he says wearily, like he’s done this a thousand times before. He leans to one side so he can see past Lucifer. “Is that correct, my lord?”

Lucifer accidentally spits out his tea.

There is a pitched cracking noise as the teacup in his hand shatters from the pure force squeezing it, exploding into shards that bounce around on the carpeted floor. The remaining tea splashes over his leather shoes.

“I pray that I heard you wrong,” he whispers.

“Why, Luci, I don’t think you’ve prayed since your Celestial Realm days,” a voice behind him says cheerfully. “Have you started up again?”

Lucifer turns around slowly, the thoughts in his head all running into each other to create a gigantic whirlwind of chaos.

He also wishes he hadn’t turned around. The prince of demons is spread out on his bed – _entirely naked_ – head propped up on one hand, hair mussed like… like he’d just been sleeping under a blanket.

“ L-Lord _Diavolo_?” Lucifer chokes out. His pale skin flushes bright red and he marches over to the wardrobe, throwing open the doors. “You said you were on holiday!”

“I am,” Diavolo replies, catching the big coat Lucifer throws at him as an attempt to make him decent. He sets it aside and continues lying in the nude. It’s too small for him anyway.

“Then why are you here? And – and masquerading as a red _panda_?”

“My lord, I think I will return to the castle first,” Barbatos announces politely. He bows again. “From the sound of your stomach I can hear you’re in need of a decent breakfast, so I will get started as soon as I can.”

Diavolo shoos him away and the butler slinks out of the room, closing the door as he leaves. “I’m not sure why you seem so surprised,” he says offhandedly. A genuine smile tugs at his lips when he sees how closely the Avatar of Pride’s face resembles a tomato. “We all have our symbolic animal forms, Lucifer. Mine just happens to be one you’ve never seen, despite the amount of time you’ve known me.”

“I _know_ that,” Lucifer fumes, staring down at the broken pieces of teacup on the floor. “I was just not expecting…”

He doesn’t use his animal form at all, much preferring his demon or humanoid form for its usefulness and practicality, but he knows some of his brothers swap in and out of forms as often as humans change clothes (“Belphie, did you know flies have tastebuds on their feet? I could taste all sixty of these cupcakes in less than two minutes!”).

Diavolo raises an eyebrow. “Tell me. A dragon? A bear? A _spider_?” he asks. “What form did you think I would take?”

“I don’t think it’s important anymore,” Lucifer says faintly, and flushes again when Diavolo’s rumbling laughter fills the room. He kneels down and busies himself with tidying up the mess so he doesn’t have to look the demon prince in the eye, or anywhere else for that matter. He tries really hard not to think of all the things the panda has watched him do since it came into his room.

“This form is surprisingly comfortable, and _so_ soft! I like to stay in it while I tell everyone I’m on vacation,” Diavolo continues merrily in the background. “I wasn’t expecting you to come back while I was asleep however, but since you caught me and still didn’t recognize me, I thought I might as well come along for the ride.”

“You should have just told me it was you,” Lucifer says through gritted teeth. He drops the porcelain pieces into the rubbish and exchanges his sodden shoes with a new pair from the wardrobe. “I fear you have seen things here that you didn’t necessarily need to see.”

“Oh? I didn’t think so.” Diavolo sits up straight, eyes of molten gold boring a hole in the back of Lucifer’s head. “You know, Lucifer, my favourite part was when you growled at me, In my own room, on my own bed.”

“No. Do not,” Lucifer stares at him in unadulterated horror.

Diavolo’s voice drops an octave. “ _Stay_ ,” he says lowly, in a spookily accurate imitation of Lucifer’s own warning, “ _or I will let Beelzebub eat you_. You don’t know how beautiful your eyes are when you do that. Such a radiant, glowing red, like the finest blood I’ve ever seen.”

Lucifer hides a grimace behind a hand. “Can we _not_ talk about me?” he demands. “And Barbatos is right. You should go back to the castle. Straightaway,” he adds.

“Can’t we have at least one more bath together? I make quite an attractive female red panda, don’t I?”


End file.
